EXPECT THE BEST AND ACCEPT LESS

If I have heard it once, I have heard it many, many times... "Expect the worst and then you won't be disappointed." WOW. I can understand where that saying comes from because sometimes really bad things happen. I think it is a way for people to avoid being hurt or to have feelings all together. It's a shield against admitting that things will not always go the way we want them to and it will hurt. Don't you think?

Well. There are definitely things in life that are disappointing. I just don't understand why that is a bad thing. Is it not a good thing that we have the opportunity to experience both the good and the bad? If all was good then how would we recognize it as a good? Everything we experience would be exactly the same and produce the same feelings in us over and over again. That would be sad.

Adversity can be a really good teacher. It can draw us outside of ourselves and help us come to the realization that we can not do life on our own. That there is something much more huge than us and that the power in this world does not belong to us but to the One who created the world. Hardships and disappointments once again draw us nearer to Jesus Christ as He calls us back to Him and reminds us that He is there and never leaves.

Recently a person I know had really given up believing that anything could go in the direction he wanted it to. What he wanted was a really good thing. I wanted it for him too. He said he didn't want to try because he already knew the outcome and was hopeless about his situation. I did tell him that the only time we fail is when we fail to try. I am pretty sure someone else has ownership of that quote but it's a good one.

Sure enough, he did try and unfortunately it came out as he had expected. I am praying that this is a learning experience and that he will be willing to try again. I think he was expecting the worst. Is it possible that this thinking was a catalyst for the outcome? Maybe. It could also be that there is still so much more to learn. So much more understanding needed about surrendering to God and relying on Him more. Really believing that what He says is true.

There is so much more hope in the phrase, "Expect the best and accept less...." When I first came up with this phrase I hadn't realized the potential it had. At some point in my life, I realized that grace is the key in all of our relationships. If you've never really heard or understood the grace philosophy, it is both simple and complex but just the same it is profound. It's about loving someone even past their shortcomings. It's about realizing that we, too, have shortcomings. We all have things we can and can not do OR ways we can and can not be. It's a level playing ground even though we are all unique. That's an awesome mystery in and of itself but what's profound about it is that we can still choose to love. That is grace. Love is not just a feeling...it's an action.

So when we 'expect the best and accept less' we are acknowledging that when it comes right down to it, we can hope and we can love. Who really knows what it best except for our Father in heaven? When we expect the best we are seeking God's best and he always gives us that....... perfectly. As we make the choice to find the gift in each moment, in each situation; we can make the choice to live life with expectation and anticipation. There will never, ever be anything less...and that is not hard to accept at all.

BEING CONTROLLED OR BEING IN CONTROL

Some of us are controlled because we make assumptions of what others think through their past actions and character. Then we act accordingly because we think that this is what will please that other person. We put the control on ourselves because we believe it is the right or the nice thing to do. Of course, there is a set of appropriate behaviors of respect that we need to adhere to, however, the control we are talking about here is exccessive and steals our sense of self.

Some of us are controlled because another individual has set standards on our behalf which have been imposed on us in order to make us believe we will then be loved and accepted. These controls are manipulative and are often the result of the insecurity of the controller.

Either way, being controlled is a sign of unhealthy relationships. It stands to reason that if you are in one overtly controlling relationship that this carries over into most other relationships as well. Those of us who are under the dominion of another often find ourselves inept at making decisions for ourselves in many areas of our lives. We seek the approval of others in order to move forward and we have lost the sense of who we are. True. there is another individual who has imposed these sanctions yet we are the ones who have allowed it.

So what can we do about this? First, we need to come to an awareness that this is happening. We need to find the courage to discover or rediscover who we are and what we are passionate about in life. We need to find our purpose. We need to make a clear decision for change and move toward that change without seeking anyone else's approval and stick to it. Do this one decision at a time. Set boundaries and keep them clear and consistent.

There is a freedom in autonomy beyond words. It brings joy and lifts up the concept we have in ourselves. This is a gift that God has given us since the beginning of time....free will choice. We need to accept that gift and honor it by using it and not allowing anyone to stop us from doing so.